保罗克拉克想活下去
Paul Clarke Wants to Live
3206字
2021-03-08 10:34
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火星译客

I. “A death sentence”

I.“死刑判决”

On May 16, 2016, scores of adoring parents gathered at Franklin Field on the University of Pennsylvania's campus, beaming as 2,225 undergraduates threw their mortarboards into the air, colorful graduation cords swinging from their necks. Paul Clarke, a 22-year-old with brown hair and pale skin, was meant to be on that field. He was meant to have his name emblazoned in black under the list of economics majors, his portrait sitting snugly in the yearbook among the rest of the class of 2016. Instead, the young man was seven miles away, alone, in a dimly lit house littered with half-burned joints, beer cans, and hidden bags of opioids.

2016年5月16日,成千上万的爱慕父母聚集在宾夕法尼亚大学校园的富兰克林球场,2225名大学生将他们的灰泥板扔向空中,五彩缤纷的毕业绳从脖子上摇曳,欢呼雀跃。 22岁的保罗·克拉克(Paul Clarke)有着棕色的头发和苍白的皮肤,原本打算去那个领域。他的名字应该被刻在经济学专业的名单上,并用黑色刻上名字,他的画像正巧地坐在年鉴中,成为2016年其他班级中的一员。相反,这个年轻人独自一人在七英里外的一间昏暗的房子里散落着半烧的关节,啤酒罐和隐藏的阿片类物质袋。

Despite a history of drug use in high school, Clarke stumbled along for his first three years there. He slipped into intense bouts of drug use during his summer breaks, but would always return to school in August, earning a near-perfect GPA. Between joining a fraternity and picking up a binge-drinking habit, he managed to make the dean's list twice. Then, over the course of Clarke's senior year, undiagnosed mental health problems sent him spiraling into addiction. As the summer turned into fall of that year, he switched his beers out for painkillers, stopped attending classes, and started crying himself to sleep.

尽管高中曾经有过吸毒史,但克拉克(Clarke)在那儿的前三年还是偶然发现。在暑假期间,他陷入了激烈的吸毒狂潮,但他总是在八月份回到学校,获得了近乎完美的GPA。在加入博爱和养成酗酒习惯之间,他设法两次登上了院长的名单。然后,在克拉克(Clarke)的高中课程中,无法诊断的精神健康问题使他成瘾。当夏天变成那年的秋天时,他把啤酒换成止痛药,停止上课,开始哭泣入睡。

Soon, Clarke was placed on academic probation, kicked out of his fraternity house, and forced to move back home to Kensington — a decision Penn officials said was based entirely on his poor academic performance that semester. He had failed two of his courses and had either failed or taken an incomplete in another, which according to university policy, meant he had to be “dropped from the rolls” and required to take time away from school. As he struggled to keep his spot at Penn, he found little in the way of support.

很快,克拉克(Clarke)处于学术试用期,被踢出了他的兄弟会之家,被迫搬回肯辛顿(Kensington)–佩恩官员说,这一决定完全基于他本学期的学业不佳。他的两门课程都没有通过,或者在另一门课程中没有通过或未完成,这根据大学的政策,这意味着他必须“从名册上掉下来”,并要求抽出时间离开学校。当他努力保持自己在宾夕法尼亚州的地位时,他获得的支持很少。

His friends and family spent months protesting his suspension, arguing that sending the 23-year-old back to Kensington was not only going to worsen his addiction, but could very likely kill him. In one of multiple emails sent to five of the university's top administrators, Clarke's half brother John Foley wrote, “I'm not convinced Paul will survive this time away.” In another, he stated plainly: “For Paul, a year away is a death sentence.” Aside from some contact with administrators focused on student wellness, who claimed to have no control over the situation, Foley's emails went almost entirely unanswered.

他的朋友和家人花了几个月的时间来抗 议他的停职,他们辩称将23岁的年轻人遣返肯辛顿不仅会使他的成 瘾加剧,而且很可能会杀死他。克拉克的同父异母兄弟约翰·佛利(John Foley)在给五位大学最高管理者的一封电子邮件中写道:“我不相信保罗这次会幸免于难。”他在另一句话中清楚地说:“对保罗来说,一年的死刑。”除了与负责学生健康的管理人员进行一些接触(他们声称无法控制这种情况)外,Foley的电子邮件几乎完全没有得到答复。

The story of how an Ivy League student goes from the dean's list to overdosing half a dozen times before his 25th birthday exposes a question at the heart of how universities respond when students face addiction: Allow them to stay on campus or send them away? Clarke's efforts to claw his way back into school, to graduate, and just to survive, are a stark reminder of the stakes for students like him.

一个常春藤盟校学生如何在他25岁生日前从教务长的名单变成过量服用六次的故事,揭露了一个问题:大学在学生面对上瘾时如何反应的核心:允许他们留在校园或将他们送走?克拉克(Clarke)努力使自己重返校园,毕业并为生存而努力,这清楚地提醒了像他这样的学生所面临的风险。

From the day he arrived at Penn, Clarke stood out from his peers. (Disclaimer: I went to Penn as well, and was enrolled at the same time as Clarke, although we never crossed paths socially or academically.) A 2017 study by the Equality of Opportunity Project found that 71 percent of Penn students come from the top 20 percent of the income scale, the second highest figure in the Ivy League. Outside the confines of what students call the “Penn bubble,” 26 percent of Philadelphia residents, including Clarke's family, live below the poverty line.

从他到达宾州的那天起,克拉克就从同龄人中脱颖而出。 (免责声明:我也曾去过宾夕法尼亚大学,与克拉克同时入学,尽管我们从未在社会或学术上跨越过道路。) 2017年机会均等项目的一项研究发现,宾夕法尼亚大学的学生中有71%来自顶部收入规模的20%,在常春藤联盟中排名第二。在学生称之为“潘恩泡沫”的范围之外,费城26%的居民(包括克拉克的家人)生活在贫困线以下。

In his admissions essay to Penn, Clarke wrote about the moment he learned that his home was different: “I found my mom's coke straw after a tip from a friend who was asked to buy her a 20-bag,” he wrote. “I found out how my dad really died. I found out my house was always cockroach-filled and disgusting. I found out none of the things going on in my house were normal.”

克拉克在宾大的录取论文中写道,当他得知自己的家不一样的时候,他写道:“我发现我妈妈的可乐吸管是从朋友那里得到的,朋友要给她买一个20袋。”“我发现我爸爸是怎么死的。我发现我的房子总是满是蟑螂和恶心。我发现我家里发生的一切都不正常。

When he arrived as a freshman in the fall of 2012, Clarke lacked some of the skills his classmates took for granted. He didn't know he could email professors if he had problems, for example, and he found it hard to maintain eye contact with anyone, said a former girlfriend of his, Lody Friedman. In addition, Friedman said, Clarke's “post-traumatic stress was very, bleedingly obvious.”

当他在2012年秋季以新生的身份到达时,克拉克缺乏他的同学们理所当然的一些技能。他的前女友洛迪·弗里德曼(Lody Friedman)说,例如,他不知道自己是否有问题会发电子邮件给教授,而且他发现很难与任何人保持眼神交流。弗里德曼说,此外,克拉克的“创伤后压力非常明显,令人流血。”

“And I'm not surprised,” she continued. “He experienced acute trauma his entire life.”

“而且我并不感到惊讶,”她继续说道。 “他一生遭受了严重的创伤。”

Clarke was 14 when he first took drugs. It was the summer; he stole a bag of marijuana from his stepfather and smoked it in his bedroom. By the time he was in high school, Clarke was sampling from an extensive menu of substances. When he turned 15, he started taking Xanax, and at 16, picked up Klonopin.

克拉克第一次吸 毒时只有14岁。那是夏天;他从继父那里偷走了一袋大 麻,然后在卧室里抽了大 麻。到他上高中时,克拉克就从大量的物质菜单中取样。当他15岁时,他开始服用Xanax,并在16岁时拿起Klonopin。

“This behemoth of an institution brought him in like, ‘Look who we found from Kensington.' But when he encountered the problems that they probably could have predicted, they sent him back.”

“这个机构的庞然大物使他像'看看我们从肯辛顿找到的人'。”但是,当他遇到他们可能会预料到的问题时,他们将他遣送回国。”

The summer after his freshman year of college, Clarke overdosed at his grandmother's house in Port Richmond, a neighborhood bordering Kensington. When Foley, who lives in Washington, D.C., contacted Penn about the incident, Student Intervention Services, the department in charge of crisis situations, assured him that there would be a dedicated administrator monitoring Clarke in the coming semesters. This worked for a couple of months, until Clarke stopped responding to administrators and they stopped reaching out.

大学一年级后的那个夏天,克拉克(Clarke)在与肯辛顿(Kensington)相邻的里奇蒙德港(Port Richmond)的祖母家中服用过量药物。当住在华盛顿特区的弗利就事件发生联系宾夕法尼亚大学时,负责危机情况的部门学生干预服务部向他保证,在接下来的几个学期中将有专门的管理员来监视克拉克。这工作了几个月,直到克拉克停止回应管理员,他们也停止了联系。

Two years later, Clarke found himself battling a major depressive episode more or less alone. Foley, who watched from afar, believes this was when the university failed his younger brother.

两年后,克拉克发现自己或多或少地与严重的抑郁症作斗争。曾从远方望而却步的弗利认为,那是大学让他的弟弟失败的时候。

“This behemoth of an institution brought him in like, ‘Look who we found from Kensington.' But when he encountered the problems that they probably could have predicted, they sent him back,” he said.

“这个机构的庞然大物使他像'看看我们从肯辛顿找到的人'。”但是当他遇到他们可能预料到的问题时,他们将他送回了他,”他说。

Friedman, who is now a teacher in Boston, feels similarly: “Students are expected to advocate for themselves, which is fine for those coming from affluent families, but it's not fine for someone who has raised himself. If you knew Paul and understood his background, it's pretty fucking obvious why he wouldn't respond.”

现在在波士顿任教的弗里德曼也有类似的感觉:“学生应该为自己辩护,这对那些来自富裕家庭的人来说很好,但是对于那些养育自己的人来说就不好了。如果您了解保罗并了解他的背景,那他为什么不回应显然是显而易见的。”

II. To Reset or Derail?

二。重置还是脱轨?

It's common practice at colleges and universities to encourage students struggling with severe addiction to take time off from their studies. At first blush, this policy seems reasonable: College campuses, rife with substance-fueled social events, can often be hostile to recovery. But this policy rests on some assumptions that, with students like Clarke, don't apply.

在大学里,通常的做法是鼓励努力沉迷于成瘾的学生从学习中抽出时间。乍一看,这项政策似乎是合理的:大学校园里充斥着各种由物质推动的社交活动,通常可能不利于恢复。但是,这项政策基于某些假设,对于像Clarke这样的学生,这些假设都不适用。

At Penn, administrators are eager to emphasize that students struggling with their academics or health are urged to take a leave of absence in order to “reset.”

在宾夕法尼亚州,管理人员急于强调,敦促学习或健康状况不佳的学生请假,以“重置”。

“We've tried to destigmatize the idea that a leave is failure,” said Rob Nelson, the former executive director for education and academic planning at the university. “The actual idea is that something is going wrong and you need to take time off. … Any kind of separation from the university usually has the effect of helping students succeed.”

该大学前教育和学术规划执行董事罗布·尼尔森(Rob Nelson)说:“我们试图淡化请假失败的想法。” “实际的想法是出了点问题,您需要抽出时间。 ……与大学的任何形式的分离通常都可以帮助学生取得成功。”

For Clarke, this wasn't the case. Sending him back to Kensington, by his own account, exacerbated his problems with addiction not just because his environment offered a steady stream of drugs, but because sending him away robbed him of one of the most important anchors in his life: being a Penn student.

对于克拉克而言,并非如此。根据自己的说法,将他遣送回肯辛顿,不仅使他的环境提供了源源不断的毒品,而且使他上瘾的问题更加恶化,而且因为将他送走使他失去了他一生中最重要的锚点:成为宾夕法尼亚大学的学生。

Clarke spent four months at a recovery house in Collingswood, New Jersey, while participating  in a now-defunct recovery program called Life of Purpose in nearby Cherry Hill. There, trained mentors guided residents through recovery with the aim of transitioning them back to school. Similar collegiate recovery programs have existed since the 1970s, though they remained relatively unknown within higher education until about five years ago. According to the Hechinger Report, there were only several dozen collegiate recovery programs in 2013; today, there are around 200.

克拉克(Clarke)在新泽西州科林斯伍德(Collingswood)的一家康复中心度过了四个月的时间,同时参加了附近樱桃山(Cherry Hill)现已终止的名为“目标生活”(Life of Purpose)的恢复计划。在那里,训练有素的导师指导居民进行康复训练,目的是使他们过渡回学校。自1970年代以来就存在类似的大学恢复计划,尽管直到大约5年前,它们在高等教育中仍相对不为人所知。根据《海辛格报告》 ,2013年只有几十个大学恢复计划;今天大约有200个

At Penn, the central resource for students struggling with addiction is the Office of Alcohol and Other Drugs, housed under the office of the vice provost for university life. The office's director, Noelle Melartin, said in an email that they offer a program called First Step, “a brief intervention for students whose alcohol or substance use is at a lower level of severity.” Students like Clarke, with more severe cases of addiction, are referred to “appropriate outside services,” she wrote.

在宾夕法尼亚州,为上瘾而苦苦挣扎的学生的主要资源是酒精和其他毒品办公室,该办公室设在大学生活副校长办公室之下。办公室主任诺埃尔·梅拉汀(Noelle Melartin)在一封电子邮件中说,他们提供了一个名为“第一步”的计划,“这是对酒精或物质使用的严重程度较低的学生的简短干预。”她写道,像克拉克这样的学生,上瘾的情况更为严重,被称为“适当的外部服务”。

By the time it became clear to Penn that Clarke was struggling with addiction, he had already overdosed once and secured a steady supply of drugs from Kensington.

当Penn清楚Clarke正在为成瘾而苦苦挣扎时,他已经服药过量,并从Kensington获得了稳定的毒品供应。

At elite universities, collegiate recovery programs can sometimes be seen as bad PR, experts say. He told the Hechinger Report, “[Universities] don't want parents walking around campus seeing posters that imply there is any kind of a substance abuse problem on campus.”

专家说,在精英大学中,大学恢复计划有时被视为不良公关。他对《赫金格报告》说:“ [大学]不想让父母在校园里走来走去,看到海报暗示校园里存在任何滥用药物的问题。”

And yet, substance use among college-age Americans is clearly an issue. Figures from the Kaiser Family Foundation show that in 2017, more than 4,760 people ages 0 to 24 died from opioid overdose. According to a 2017 report from the Centers for Disease Control, the number of drug overdose deaths of people ages 18 to 25 increased 411 percent from 1995 to 2015 — the greatest increase of any age group.

然而,在大学时代的美国人中,滥用毒品显然是一个问题。凯撒家庭基金会(Kaiser Family Foundation)的数据显示, 2017年,有4,760多名0至24岁的人死于阿片类药物过量。根据美国疾病控制中心(Centers for Disease Control)2017年的一份报告,从1995年到2015年,年龄在18至25岁之间的药物过量死亡人数增加了411%,是所有年龄组中增幅最大的。

Despite this, a 2018 report found that fewer than 5 percent of universities in the United States have in-house recovery programs. Penn, in other words, is not the exception but the rule.

尽管如此, 2018年的一份报告发现,只有不到5%的美国大学拥有内部恢复计划。换句话说,佩恩不是例外,而是规则。

In December 2018, the Ruderman Family Foundation, a philanthropic organization focused on disability inclusion, released a report that concluded that Ivy League institutions are effectively using leaves of absence to push students off campus in order to avoid legal liability and bad press. 

2018年12月,致力于残疾人包容性的慈善组织Ruderman家庭基金会发布了一份报告,得出结论,常春藤盟校院校有效地利用缺勤将学生推离校园,以避免法律责任和不良新闻报道。

In 2013, a Penn report found that 5 percent of the graduating seniors had taken a leave of absence during their time at the school, adding that “almost all Penn students who take a leave of absence return and complete their degrees.” Researchers at the Ruderman Foundation acknowledge that taking a break can be helpful, but note that at Ivy League universities, LOAs “are too often imposed on students with mental illness against their will in situations where other less-drastic alternatives were not explored.” It adds: “Leave-of-absence policies, as they are currently being implemented, are exacerbating the college mental-health crisis.”

2013年,佩恩(Penn)的一份报告发现,应届毕业生中有5%在学校期间请假,并补充说:“几乎所有请假的宾州学生都返回并完成了学位。”鲁德曼基金会(Ruderman Foundation)的研究人员承认,暂时休息会有所帮助,但请注意,在常春藤盟校,“精神障碍学生经常在没有探索其他不太苛刻的替代方案的情况下,违背自己的意愿强加精神病学生。”它补充说:“目前正在实施的休假政策正在加剧大学心理健康危机。”

Nelson, like Melartin, declined to discuss the specific details of Clarke's case, but insisted that any decision to drop a student from the rolls is based strictly on academic performance. “There are clear measures of performance associated with being dropped,” he said. “The idea that there are mitigating factors [to a student's performance] and those kinds of things … doesn't really enter into this process.”

像梅拉廷一样,纳尔逊也拒绝讨论克拉克案的具体细节,但坚持认为任何将学生退学的决定都严格基于学业表现。他说:“有明显的绩效指标与业绩下降有关。” “存在(影响学生表现的)缓解因素以及诸如此类的事情的想法……并没有真正进入这个过程。”

The factors that caused and perpetuated Clarke's addiction also have roots far beyond the university's control. Many recovery programs are heavily dependent on participants self-reporting their problems. This requires students without much emotional capital to diagnose themselves, admit that they're struggling, and ask for help, explained Keith Murphy, a recovery counselor at Rutgers University.

导致并永久保留克拉克成瘾的因素也有其根源,远远超出了大学的控制范围。许多恢复计划严重依赖于参与者自我报告他们的问题。罗格斯大学(Rutgers University)的康复顾问凯斯·墨菲(Keith Murphy)解释说,这要求没有太多情感资本的学生进行自我诊断,承认自己挣扎并寻求帮助。

By the time it became clear to Penn that Clarke was struggling with addiction, he had already overdosed once and secured a steady supply of drugs from Kensington. Later, as the formal process got underway for him to be “dropped from the rolls,” Clarke made sporadic efforts to protest, but often skipped important meetings with administrators. Throughout this process, he hadn't told his mother or his stepfather what was going on. He figured it wouldn't have mattered.

当潘知道克拉克正在努力戒瘾时,他已经吸毒过量一次,并从肯辛顿获得了稳定的药物供应。后来,随着正式的程序开始,他将被“从名单上掉下来”,克拉克做了零星的努力抗 议,但经常跳过与行政人员的重要会议。在整个过程中,他没有告诉他的母亲或继父发生了什么。他觉得这不重要。

III. Landing

三,降落

Clarke and I met for the third time in September 2018, during his time at Life of Purpose. We took a walk, and talked until it got dark and Clarke remembered that he had a curfew to keep. He usually had to be back at the recovery center by 10 p.m. on weekdays, but he had skipped one of his four group therapy meetings that week so his curfew had been moved to 8 p.m.

我和克拉克(Clarke)在他的《人生的目的》期间,于2018年9月第三次见面。我们散步,交谈直到天黑了,克拉克想起他有宵禁时间。通常,他必须在工作日的晚上10点之前回到康复中心,但是他那周跳过了四次集体治疗会议之一,因此宵禁时间已移至晚上8点。

As we walked down a sleepy suburban street, Clarke admitted that he hadn't quite gotten used to all the rules at his recovery center: no girls in the house, no alcohol, no drugs, and no skipping work, therapy, or outpatient sessions. He chafed against the strict, regimented schedule, but otherwise liked it more than rehab and definitely — definitely — more than Kensington. Here, he felt closer than he had in months to getting back to Penn.

当我们走在一条昏昏欲睡的郊区街道上时,克拉克(Clarke)承认他还没有完全习惯于康复中心的所有规定:屋里没有女孩,没有酒精,没有毒品,没有跳绳,没有治疗或没有门诊服务。他对严格而有条理的时间表感到不满,但在其他方面却比恢复精神更喜欢它,而且肯定比肯辛顿更喜欢。在这里,他比回到宾夕法尼亚州几个月来的感觉要近。

He recounted the story of how he had landed at Life of Purpose: After being placed on academic probation in 2016, Clarke moved back to Kensington and spent a year trying to get a handle on his addiction. In early 2017, desperate for change, he took the Vivitrol shot — a potent medication that blunts stimulation by attaching to opioid receptors and blocking the release of dopamine. It sent him to sleep with chills every night, but it managed to help keep him sober enough to file an application to return to Penn. In April 2017, he registered for classes in the summer and fall.

他讲述了自己如何进入“目标人生”的故事:2016年接受学术试用后,克拉克回到肯辛顿,并花了一年的时间来解决自己的成瘾问题。 2017年初,他迫切需要变革,给Vivitrol注射了一种有效的药物,它通过附着在阿片受体上并阻止多巴胺的释放而钝化刺激。每天晚上,这使他昏昏欲睡,但设法使他保持清醒,足以提出申请返回宾夕法尼亚州。 2017年4月,他在夏季和秋季注册了课程。

But less than five months later, things got tough again. Lamictal, the medication prescribed for his depression and anxiety made it hard for him to focus in class. Some days, he felt 24 hours pass without hearing his own voice. By December, he decided to go on another leave of absence, voluntarily this time, to focus on his medical treatment. In the next weeks, he returned to Kensington and felt his anxiety grow as his Vivitrol shot wore off. Before Christmas, Clarke had overdosed again. 

但是不到五个月后,情况再次变得艰难。 Lamictal,用于治疗他的抑郁和焦虑的药物使他很难集中精力上课。有几天,他觉得24小时过去了,却听不到自己的声音。到12月,他决定这次再次请假,专心治疗他的病。在接下来的几周里,他回到肯辛顿(Kensington),感到自己的焦虑随着Vivitrol射门的消失而加剧。圣诞节前,克拉克再次服药过量。

“I get real sad and helpless down there and I just kind of start feeling like that's where I deserve to be.”

“我在那里感到非常难过和无助,我刚开始觉得自己应该成为那个人。”

“It's the place,” Clarke said of Kensington, two months into sobriety. “I don't know how to describe it. Just being there, seeing the state of my mom's house. The bed bugs and rats. My stepdad is falling apart, my little sister is falling apart. My older sister just had to kick her ex-boyfriend out because he was smoking too much meth and crack. These are the people I'm talking about when I'm down there. People on meth.

“就是这个地方,”克拉克在谈到肯辛顿时说,他已经戒酒两个月了。“我不知道怎么形容它。就在那儿,看着我妈妈的房子。臭虫和老鼠。我继父要崩溃了,我妹妹要崩溃了。我姐姐不得不把她的前男友踢出去,因为他吸食过量的冰 毒和毒瘾。这就是我在下面说的人。那些嗑药的人。

“I get real sad and helpless down there and I just kind of start feeling like that's where I deserve to be,” he continued. “The only thing that seems to make it better is getting high, because there's this wave of relief, and for five hours, it all goes away.”

他继续说道:“我在那儿感到非常难过和无助,我刚开始觉得那是我应该去的地方。” “似乎唯一使它变得更好的事情是变得越来越高,因为这波缓解的浪潮持续了五个小时,一切都消失了。”

Nearly everyone Clarke knows from home struggles with substance abuse, and none of them, he said definitively, have successfully stayed in recovery. Using his fingers, he counted off the people in his life who have died from drug-related problems: his dad, Paul Clarke Sr.; Frannie, his mother's cousin; Jimmy, a cousin's boyfriend; Conrad, that Polish kid from down the road. Clarke trailed off, then added, “That's why I need to get back to school. That's the last thing I have to look forward to.”

克拉克几乎每个人都知道在家中与药物滥用作斗争,而且他明确地说,没有一个人能够成功地康复。他用手指指望生命中死于与毒品有关的问题的人们:他的父亲保罗·克拉克(Paul Clarke Sr.);他母亲的表弟弗兰妮(Frannie);表哥的男朋友吉米;康拉德(Conrad),那个波兰小子。克拉克走了一步,然后补充说:“这就是为什么我需要回到学校。那是我必须期待的最后一件事。”

The day before Thanksgiving 2018, Clarke learned that he was going to be readmitted to Penn for the 2019 spring semester. He was excited, but things didn't pan out exactly as he had hoped. The recovery centers known as Liberation Way had been sold that spring to a group led by a private equity firm, and were rebranded as Life of Purpose. Several months later, though, that company petitioned for Chapter 7 bankruptcy before abruptly shuttering the centers.

2018年感恩节的前一天,克拉克得知他将在2019年春季学期再次被送往宾夕法尼亚大学。他很兴奋,但事情并没有完全如他所希望的那样进行。那个名为Liberation Way的恢复中心已于当年春季卖给了一家由私募股权公司领导的集团,并更名为“目标人生”。但是,几个月后,该公司突然关闭了中心,然后请第七章申请破产。

Around the time of the sale, the centers, which had been operated as Liberation Way, were under investigation by Pennsylvania's Attorney General, who later charged the former owners and nearly a dozen ex-employees with running an “elaborate insurance fraud scheme”. According to Josh Shapiro, the state's Attorney General, an 18-month investigation uncovered a “blatant disregard for the wellbeing of the people [Liberation Way was] supposed to help” and “took advantage of … those suffering from substance use disorder.” Several employees, including the former CEO, have since pled guilty. (No one within the ownership group of Life of Purpose was implicated or charged with any crime, and a source who worked for the Life of Purpose who requested anonymity because of the fraught nature of the situation denied any wrongdoing, calling it “a totally unsalvageable situation.”)

在出售期间,曾作为解放之路运营的这些中心正受到宾夕法尼亚州总检察长的调查,后者后来指控前业主和将近十二名前雇员经营“精心设计的保险欺诈计划”。根据州检察长乔什·夏皮罗(Josh Shapiro)的说法,为期18个月的调查发现,“公然无视人民的福祉(解放之道原本应该为之提供帮助),并且”利用了……遭受吸毒症困扰的人的利益。”此后,包括前首席执行官在内的几名员工已认罪。 (“目的生活”所有制集团中没有人被牵涉到任何犯罪或被指控任何罪行,为“目的生活”工作的一位消息人士由于局势的烦躁性质而要求匿名,否认有任何不当行为,称其为“完全不可挽救的”情况。”)

After the recovery house at Collingswood shuttered its doors, Clarke was left on the street for the umpteenth time. He crashed at three different places before settling in an apartment in West Philadelphia. And as the semester started, Clarke's energy picked up, but waned again just before spring break. He realized over the course of the spring semester how different school can be as a 26-year-old recovering addict — how lonely.

在Collingswood的恢复房关上门之后,Clarke第十七次被留在街上。在定居在西费城的一间公寓之前,他在三个不同的地方坠毁。在学期开始时,克拉克的精力有所增加,但在春假前又再次减弱。他在春季学期的课程中意识到,作为一个26岁的康复瘾君子,学校有多不同-多么寂寞。

In March, he dropped a class and fell back into the habit of skipping lectures, but managed to do enough to earn a B, a C, and a D. He has faltered on a lot of the rules that governed his life in Collingswood, though it's clear that some of what he learned has stuck. He complains now about his younger sister's substance use, about how she and her girlfriend are “enabling each other.” After spending years resenting the university and himself for what happened, Clarke has also developed a more measured view of his story. He acknowledges more readily than ever before that he wasn't just “being a dick” in 2016; he was sick.

今年3月,他放弃了一门课,重新养成了逃课的习惯,但他还是设法获得了B、C和D的学位,但他在科林斯伍德生活中的许多规则上都步履蹒跚,尽管很明显,他学到的一些东西已经坚持下来了。他现在抱怨他妹妹吸毒,抱怨她和她的女朋友是如何“互相帮助”的。在对大学和他自己对所发生的事情不满多年之后,克拉克也对他的故事形成了一个更加慎重的看法。他比以往任何时候都更容易承认,他在2016年不仅是个“混 蛋”,他病了。

Clarke needs seven more credits to graduate with an Ivy League degree in economics. In what is his longest period of sobriety since 2016, he is lucid enough to know that he can master the material necessary. He also recognizes that despite his smarts and his determination, the odds of graduating are stacked against him.

克拉克需要再获得7个学分才能获得常春藤联盟经济学学位。在他自2016年以来最长的清醒时期中,他很清醒地知道自己可以掌握必要的材料。他还认识到,尽管他有聪明才智和决心,但毕业的几率对他不利。

Earlier this year, on a bright winter day, Clarke and I met in a café next to Penn's bookstore. It was the second week of classes, and he was reckoning with what felt like his third and final chance at college.

今年早些时候,在一个晴朗的冬日,克拉克和我在宾州书店旁边的一家咖啡馆见面。这是他上大学的第二个星期了,他觉得这是他上大学的第三次也是最后一次机会。

“I got through high school, got to Penn, I'm still alive,” he said. “I was flying a plane but I was flying it upside down. … It's not the right way to do it; it's fucking dangerous. Now I'm just trying to land that shit in the Hudson, but I'm all upside down.”

他说:“我中学毕业,去了宾夕法尼亚大学,我还活着。” “我当时正在驾驶飞机,但是却颠倒了。 ……这不是正确的方法;这太危险了。现在,我只是想把这些东西放到哈德逊河上,但我全都倒过来了。”

Clarke paused and stared straight ahead, his green eyes lit by the setting sun. “The stats are against me. I know that,” he said. “Chances are I'll relapse, take something lined with fentanyl and die.”

克拉克停了下来,直盯着前方,绿色的眼睛被夕阳照亮。 “这些数据对我不利。我知道,”他说。 “很有可能让我复发,服用衬有芬太尼的东西而死。”

“I know that,” he repeated softly. “But maybe it doesn't have to be that way.”

“我知道,”他轻声重复。“但也许不一定非要这样。”

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