A young reader asked me, "Autumn, the company has an opportunity to relocate to Singapore and I'd love to go for it and see the outside world, but my boss asked me to stay in Shanghai and offered me a promotion.
Life is difficult to choose, all because of such "pros and cons, dilemma".
A similar question: is it better to be steady in a big company or to start a business? Should we return to the second-tier cities near home or stick to the hard-core mode of Beijing, Shanghai, guangzhou and shenzhen? Is it better to retire from a relatively idle job after having a baby, or to keep going full speed ahead in the workplace? To change jobs, to break up, to forgive, to fight... Every day, we face endless choices, questioning who we are and what we want.
In the long-term struggle and recovery, I found the way out of the "be swayed by considerations of gain and loss" anxiety state. Wrong choice, correct principle.
1. Life is full of multiple choice questions, filled with "right answers."
At the beginning, the girl chose to go to Singapore to "pursue her dream" and stay in Shanghai to "repay her kindness". The former is something you want to do, which brings an international perspective, new experience and attractive development opportunities. The latter is continuing to work for a good boss who recognizes them, moving up quickly, and valuing relationships is a workplace virtue.
There is only one answer, how simple the world is; The "right answer" is everywhere. It's a trade-off. It's a risk. When I realized that this is the norm of life, I realized that learning to choose itself is far more important than choosing right.
2, establish your own principles, first have principles, then have the choice.
If your "life principle" is "challenge yourself", you choose to go for a Singapore expat. If your "life principle" is to "repay kindness", you choose to stay in Shanghai.
Each of these principles defines who you are, what you want, and who you want to be. Once you find yourself, understand the world, and establish principles, the choices of the present and the future become easier.
3.Every hard choice is an opportunity to test your principles.
For the most part, principles go hand in hand with principles. Our principles are really put to the test only when we have to make trade-offs. What is higher priority for you and what is harder to compromise? Is it "letting people down" that makes you feel worse, or "letting go of opportunities" that makes you feel worse?
Is it better to help everyone become a better version of themselves, or is it better to hold everyone accountable for their actions? In the face of other people's different opinions, is "stick to yourself" to make you comfortable, or "follow the flow of kindness" to make you comfortable?
These difficult choices are challenges and opportunities. It forces you to interrogate your mind, and in the process we learn more about ourselves.
4, every choice, may be "wrong"; Every principle can be wrong. It doesn't matter, apply it, test it, fix it.
Every choice you make is likely to lead to the best outcome. For example, you choose to go to Singapore, and you get it, and it goes very well. Saying no to your boss is not as hard as you think. He understands that mordor's job doesn't stop working without you.
With every choice you make, the worst is possible. You choose to fight for Singapore, fail to get elected, offend your boss and lose your promotion. Or you choose to stay in Shanghai, only to find that your promotion is just a "blank check" that you don't want to live up to, only to be let down and regret. (if you think your boss won't break his word, you're too young.)
There is too much uncertainty. Whether the opportunity in Singapore is suitable, whether the opportunity in Shanghai is reliable, your character and strength, your boss's temper and quality... We can only predict, but not the future.
So, when you make any choice, accept that it can be wrong; But remember the principle of choice, and in the years to come, review it, reflect on it, revise it. In hindsight, you may find that "going for too high an opportunity with uncertainty" is a mistake, and that the future is more stable. Maybe you will see that "giving up your dream in order to repay the favor" is a stupid thing, and you will be more determined to pursue yourself in the future.
Congratulations, that's growth. It is impossible to "pick the right number every time", and it is very possible to increase the probability of choosing the right number by "optimizing the principle".
5, other people's opinions can only reference, your answer can only look for yourself.
"All intelligent thoughts have already been thought. What is necessary is only to try to think it again."
Just because we download quotes to our phones and put them in our heads doesn't mean we know what to do. You are unique, you are dynamic, you are complex. We can only find our own principles little by little, step by step to find their own answer.
On my own terms, I would certainly recommend Singapore.
One, you obviously want to go; Second, from experience, overseas experience is usually beneficial to career development; Third, the reason you stay is simply that you don't know how to fail your boss, so the boss is an a dult and he can be responsible for himself. Fourth, how to speak politely, how to make a good handover, how to repay the boss in the long run, have methods to manage.
However, with each choice, others can never judge how much you want or value. In you are the protagonist of the stage, the fate of the lights projected on your body.
Once you have made your choice, the "audience" can only be consulted. If the worst comes to the worst and someone laughs at you, "look at her overreaching for overseas opportunities" or "look at her ungrateful loss of a promotion", you can take it in stride——
"I've built my principles, I've made my choices, I've gotten life feedback, I've gotten valuable growth.
Life is long, systematic principles are more important than immediate choices, the ability to reflect is more reliable than life results, and building up one's own knowledge is more effective than following the answers of sages.
Think back to the original intention of writing, initially out of self-help, because the long-term be swayed by considerations of gain and loss anxiety, it is difficult to bear, hard to move forward. I use words to comb, forcing myself to reflect. One hand is career, the other hand is to raise children, there are many, many times, I think the spare time writing, whether too extravagant, too capricious. However, you keep telling me, "I too, useful, thank you", day after day, one after another.
At McKinsey, I see "thinking ahead and being goal-oriented" as the key to achieving results. Middle-aged career change, I found that "bottom level ability, self-management" is not afraid of the future is possible... These principles and methods can be reused, learned and Shared with you.
Fortunately, every choice, every practice, every reflection brings us closer to the right answer, closer to a better self.