渴望击败抑郁症:10种诱发性昏迷如何挽救了博主的生命 | 生活和风格
Dying to beat depression: how 10 induced comas saved a blogger's life | Life and style
1356字
2019-05-17 16:15
57阅读
火星译客

In December 2016, Heather B Armstrong phoned her mother from her kitchen floor in tears and told her that she wanted to be dead. With her children thousands of miles away spending Christmas with their father, Armstrong’s ex-husband, and having been abandoned by a date, the blogger-turned-author was alone at home when she felt “overcome with a really bad feeling”.

2016年12月,Heather B Armstrong在自家厨房的地板上哭泣着给母亲打电话,告诉她自己想死去。 
Armstrong的孩子们在千里之外和他们的父亲--Armstrong的前夫一起过圣诞节,并且她被一个约会对象放了鸽子,于是这位博客作家独自一人在家,她感到前所未有的糟糕。

It was not the first time that she had made such a call, but this felt different. “It’s the night that I called her and I said I don’t feel like I can hold on any more,” says Armstrong, 43, whose website Dooce once earned her the title “queen of the mommy bloggers”.

这并不是她第一次打这样的电话,但这次还是有所不同的, “就是那天晚上,我打电话给她,我觉得我撑不下去了'。43岁的Armstrong说.。她的网站曾被Dooce誉为“妈妈博客女王”。

Her mother kept her on the phone for 40 minutes while she rushed to her daughter’s home in Salt Lake City and stayed the night to take care of her. The following morning she forced Armstrong, who had been suffering from severe depression for a year and a half, to book an appointment with her psychiatrist – a call that within months would end up transforming her life.

她妈妈和她聊了40分钟,然后她还是冲到盐湖城女儿的家里整夜照顾女儿。 第二天早上,妈妈强迫Armstrong与她的精神科医生预约,几个月后,这个电话将彻底改变她的生活。Armstrong已经患有严重的抑郁症一年半了。

Just a few months later she was taking part in a pioneering world-first study that would plunge her into a deep sleep that would help relieve her depression within weeks.

就在几个月后,她参加了一项开创性的世界第一研究,这项研究将使她进入深度睡眠,有助于在几周内缓解她的抑郁症。

Today Armstrong, who has documented her experiences with depression in the new book The Valedictorian of Being Dead: The True Story of Dying Ten Times to Live, credits her mother’s actions with saving her life. “I didn’t overtly want someone to intervene, but I think subconsciously I knew that if I didn’t reach out and have someone do it that this was going to destroy me. And she knew that,” she says matter-of-factly.

今天,阿姆斯壮将她与抑郁症的经历写进了她的新书《已逝者的告别 : 为一生而十死的真实故事》,她把她能活下来归功于母亲的行为。“我并不希望有人干预我,但潜意识里我知道,如果我不伸出手,让别人来干预,这将毁了我。” 她知道这一点,”她实事求是地说。

Over breakfast at her hotel in New York, where she is joined by her partner, Pete Ashdown, for moral support, she says she can trace her first experiences of depression back to high school, when she remembers a teacher shaking her shoulders and telling her: “You’ve got to let go.” She first started taking antidepressants in college, when she had a breakdown during her sophomore year, and was hospitalised after experiencing suicidal feelings following the birth of her first child.

在纽约的酒店里,她与伴侣Pete Ashdown共进早餐,寻求精神上的支持。她说,她的第一次抑郁经历可以追溯到高中,当时她记得一位老师摇着她的肩膀对她说:“你必须放手。” 她第一次服用抗抑郁药是在大学二年级的时候,当时她的精神崩溃了,在第一个孩子出生后,她经历了自杀的感觉,因此被送进了医院。

The most recent started while training for the Boston Marathon. She thought her gruelling training regime was the cause of her sadness, but when the race was over she realised it was something else.

最近的一次抑郁发生在波士顿马拉松训练时。 
她原以为是繁重的训练导致了她的悲伤,但当比赛结束时,她意识到这是另一回事。

She was so anxious that she couldn’t sleep or stop worrying about simple day-to-day tasks. “It was a state of panic that I lived in for 18 months. Constant state of fire. Fiery panic,” she says. Most of the time Armstrong, who is dressed in a black suit and her earlobes decorated with little gold bull head studs, speaks with remarkable composure and steady eye contact. But now her voice trembles and she looks up to the ceiling as if holding back tears. “Yeah. Which I wanted to end. I thought, if I’m dead then I don’t have to feel this fire any more. I’m not going to be dead, but wouldn’t that be great? Wouldn’t that be great?” After a pause, she adds: ”I’m so glad I don’t feel that way any more.”

她非常焦虑,以至于无法入睡,也无法停止对日常琐事的担忧。 “我在这种恐慌状态下生活了18个月。 
持续焦虑状态,极度恐慌,”她说。 阿姆斯特朗身穿黑色套装,耳垂上装饰着金色的小牛头钉。大多数时候,她说话时都异常镇定,目光坚定。 但现在她的声音颤抖,她抬头望着天花板,好像要忍住眼泪。 想要结束吗?是的,我想就此结束。我想,如果我死了,我就不用再感受这种煎熬了。 我不会死,但那不是很棒吗? 那不是很棒吗? 停了一会儿,她补充道:“我很高兴我不再有那种感觉了。”

Unlike previous life experiences (such as postpartum depression, leaving Mormonism and work – which in 2002 got her fired) which she has often written publicly about in real time on Dooce, she was frightened to talk to anyone apart from her mother about it for fear of losing custody of her two daughters, Leta, 15, and Marlo, nine.

不同于以往的生活经验(如产后抑郁,2002年离开摩门教和工作——他们把她解雇了), 她经常事时公开写Dooce, 她害怕任何人除了她母亲谈论它,  害怕失去她的两个女儿的监护权,Leta,15岁,Marlo, 9岁。

It also put her off seeing her psychiatrist until her mother’s intervention left her with no option. When, in February 2017, she finally saw him, he suggested she take part in a pilot study at the University of Utah into the potential antidepressant effect of general anaesthetic Propofol. For the first time in over a year she felt optimistic.

这种恐惧也推迟了她去看心理医生的时间,直到她母亲的介入让她别无选择。 2017年2月,当她终于见到他时,他建议她参加犹他大学的一项试点研究,研究麻醉剂-异丙酚的潜在抗抑郁作用。 一年多来,她第一次感到乐观。

I was just so devoid of caring because all of my energy was consumed by worry

我完全不关心别人,因为我所有的精力都被忧虑消耗了。

But as only the third person in the world to undergo the treatment, was she not scared? “Oh, I didn’t feel anything at that point … you could have dropped me out of a plane and I wouldn’t have flinched,” she says. “I was just so devoid of caring because all of my energy was consumed by worry, of how do I unload the dishwasher, how do I fold clothes. It sounds so stupid … it’s not a woe is me situation, it’s just the day-to-day was so overwhelming and unrelenting that I didn’t know how to escape it.”

但作为世界上第三个接受这种治疗的人,她难道不害怕吗? “哦,那时候我什么都没有感觉到……你可以把我扔下飞机,而我都不会颤抖,”她说。 她说:“我完全不关心别人,因为我所有的精力都花在焦虑上了,担心怎么放置洗碗机,担心怎么叠衣服。 这听起来太愚蠢了……我的处境并不是一种悲哀,只是日复一日的生活负重让我不知所措,让我无法逃离。”

The following month she started going into hospital three times a week to be put into a deep state of anaesthesia (although, according to Dr Brian Mickey, who ran the study, not close to death, as her book suggests) for 15 minutes to see if it had an antidepressant effect. While she slept, doctors monitored her brain’s “burst suppression”, an electrical pattern formed of a flatline interrupted by bursts every few seconds, before waking her up again.

下个月她开始到医院进行每周3次的深麻醉状态(虽然,根据布莱恩·米奇博士的研究,如她书中所述不是濒临死亡)15分钟,看看是否有一个抗抑郁作用。 当她睡觉时,医生监测她大脑的“脉冲抑制”,这是一种每隔几秒钟就会被脉冲打断的平直线形成的电信号,然后再把她叫醒。

For the first four of the 10 treatments she felt the same, but after the fifth she felt dramatically different. “I just walked into my house and wanted to sort of, like, dance,” she laughs. “It was a very strange feeling because I wasn’t tired, I was ready to go. I had put on makeup that day, I had brushed my hair, taken a shower and I thought: ‘I want to go out!’ which was a very strange sensation.” The next morning, she awoke without her usual anxiety and felt like “something had switched in my brain”.

在10种治疗方法的前四种中,她的感觉是一样的,但在第五种之后,她的感觉就大不相同了。 她笑着说:“我走进自己的房子,想跳舞。” “这是一种非常奇怪的感觉,因为我并不累,我已经准备好出发了。 
那天我化了妆,梳头,洗了个澡,然后我想:‘我想出去! 这是一种非常奇怪的感觉。 第二天早上,她醒来时没有了往常的焦虑,感觉“我脑子里好像有什么东西变了”。

Of the 10 people who took part, Armstrong was one of six for whom their depression score decreased by 50% or more. Mickey, associate professor of psychiatry at the university, says they don’t yet know how it works, but adds: “We know that there’s definitely evidence that modulation of Gaba (gamma-Aminobutyric acid) and glutamate, these neurotransmitters in the brain, in some cases can trigger an antidepressant response. So because Propofol works on Gaba and glutamate systems, we suspect that that could be a mechanism.”

在参与调查的10人中,阿姆斯壮是他们的抑郁指数下降了50%或更多的6人之一。 米基是这所大学的精神病学副教授,他说他们还不知道它是如何工作的,但他补充说:“我们知道,有明确的证据表明,在某些情况下,大脑中调节性的神经递质伽马氨基丁酸和谷氨酸,可以触发抗抑郁反应。” 因此,由于异丙酚作用于伽马氨基丁酸和谷氨酸系统,我们怀疑这可能是一种机制。”

Further trials are needed, he says, but if it is found to be effective, it could provide an alternative to electroconvulsive therapy, which he claims is effective but for many people the procedure, which uses electric current to induce short seizures, comes with side-effects such as memory loss.

他说这还需要进一步的试验,但如果发现它是有效的,它可能会提供一种替代电痉挛疗法的方法。他声称电痉挛疗法是有效的,但对许多人来说,这种利用电流诱发短暂癫痫发作的疗法会带来副作用,比如失忆。

Two years on from being treated with Propofol, Armstrong says she continues to take medication but no longer feels like anything is insurmountable. “I just don’t ever have the feeling like, ‘I can’t do this.’ I don’t ever have that thought, which was the defining factor of my life for 18 months.” She started seeing Ashdown, 52, president and founder of internet provider XMission, a few months after her treatment. In August, Armstrong and her daughters moved in with him and his 13-year-old daughter.

在接受异丙酚治疗两年后,阿姆斯特朗说她继续服药,但不再觉得有什么是无法克服的。 “我从来没有那种感觉,‘我做不到。 “我从来没有这样的想法,这是我18个月生活中的决定性因素。 52岁的阿什当是互联网服务提供商XMission的总裁兼创始人,在经过了几个月的治疗后的8月,阿姆斯特朗和她的女儿搬进了Ashdown和他13岁的女儿的家。

Her memoir, she hopes, will provide others with a language to talk about mental health and raise awareness of the study. While she has received positive messages from fans online, she says she is still anxiously waiting for the verdict of her father, who she writes frankly about in the book.

她希望她的回忆录能为其他人提供一种谈论心理健康的语言,并提高人们对这项研究的认识。 虽然她在网上收到了粉丝们的积极留言,但她说她仍在焦急地等待父亲的判决,她在书中坦率地提到了父亲。

After over a decade of posting regularly on her site, she took a step back from blogging in 2015, declaring the way it had been monetised by brands a “health hazard”. She has since returned to her blog, but now she says she works with companies on her own terms.

在她的网站上定期发帖超过十年之后,她在2015年放弃了写博客,宣称由品牌盈利的方式是一种“健康危害”。 自那以后,她又回到了自己的博客上,但现在她说,她以自己的方式与公司合作。

Next she plans to focus her attentions on removing the stigma around mental health and improving services, especially for children. “My brother’s son goes to a high school where last year there was six suicides. Six. Something’s going on and we’re not addressing it. We’re not funding it, there’s no money in it and it’s a disaster.” She wants to see more insurance companies covering mental health and seminars and free counseling in high schools. “If the family can’t afford $130 an hour where does that kid go? We need to overhaul the complete system, and Utah’s the perfect place to start.”

接下来,她计划将注意力集中在消除心理健康的污名,改善服务,尤其是儿童服务。 “我哥哥的儿子上的是一所高中,去年那里发生了六起自杀事件。 
六起!这必然是发生了什么事而我们没有解决。 
我们没有资助它,没有资金,这是一场灾难。 
她希望看到更多的保险公司为高中学生提供心理健康保险、研讨会和免费咨询服务。 “如果家庭负担不起每小时130美元,那孩子将何去何从?” 我们需要彻底改革整个体系,犹他州是一个完美的起点。”

0 条评论
评论不能为空