我该如何让他停止男人式说教?
How do I stop his mansplaining?
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2019-04-13 23:07
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火星译客

Thursday | July 27, 2017

星期四|2017年7月27日

07.27.2017

2017年7月27日

I met a guy online and we exchanged really long messages (should have been a clue) for two to three weeks before we met up. We have been dating for three months and have been moving in the direction of a relationship. But something has started to get on my nerves, and I don't know how to handle the situation because otherwise everything is fine.

我在网上认识了一个人,在我们见面之前,我们已经聊很长时间(应该是一个线索),大概两到三周。我们已经约会了三个月,一直朝着情侣关系发展。但是有些事情开始让我感到不安,我不知道如何处理这种情况,因为除此之外一切都很好。

He does this thing people call "mansplaining" or "notorious explaining" if you will. He works in science so he is a smart, knowledgable guy who has a very scientific way of thinking. The problem is that he analyzes everything and feels the need to explain every single detail to me. I mean, if he asks me if I liked the movie and I give an answer, he starts explaining the specifics of that particular scene, and ends up discussing the economic problems of the 60s for half an hour.

如果你同意的话,他会开始一些人们称之为“男人式说教”或“臭名昭著的解释”的事情。他为科学界工作,所以他是一个聪明且博学的人,并且有着非常科学的思维方式。问题在于,他会分析一切事件,还觉得有必要向我解释每一个细节。我的意思是,如果他问我是否喜欢这部电影,我给出一个回答之后,他就开始解释某个特定场景的细节,最后花半个小时和我讨论60年代的经济问题。

The problem is that sometimes I just want to hang out and talk about something without arguments and analysis. Just talk about how dumb that actor looked in the movie or how great the music was. And then stop. But he can't stop explaining, and I don't have any more patience. He also sometimes explains things only women experience, and that is kind of infuriating. While I'm on my period and want ice cream, I don't need him to analyze the situation and give me a scientific explanation. Am I too picky or sensitive? And how can I possibly address this? Or should I just look for someone who is not so serious about every single thing?

问题就在于,有时候我只是想出去逛逛,聊点不用争论和分析的事情。就聊点像某个演员在电影里的样子有多滑稽,或者是某一首歌有多棒的这种话题。但不可能。因为他根本控制不住自己,只想和我解释那些东西,然而我也没什么耐心听他解释这些。他有时也会解释一些只有女性才会经历的事情,这有点令人恼火。当我来例假想吃冰淇淋的时候,我根本不需要他分析情况或者给我一个科学的解释。我是太挑剔还是太敏感了?我怎么才能解决这个问题呢?或者我应该找不会对每件事都那么认真的人做伴侣?

- Mansplained

-男人式说教

Start by knowing the difference between mansplaining and analysis. If he wants to process a movie out loud – to work it out for himself, maybe with your help – that doesn't have to be mansplaining. Sometimes it's just examination.

从了解男人式说教和分析的区别开始。如果他想大张旗鼓地搞定一部电影——自己想弄清楚,可能也会来寻求你的帮助——这不一定是为了解决问题。有时他只是想确认一下。

The mansplaining happens when he gives you an unsolicited lesson. The period moment is a great example. Why would he assume you don't understand your own body?

当他主动想教你点什么东西时,男人式的说教就会开始了。例假就是一个很好的例子。为什么他会认为你不了解自己的身体?

(Yes, I know I just meresplained mansplaining to you. I'm sorry.)

(是的,我知道我只是在解释你的问题。抱歉。)

This problem should be addressed sooner than later. You are allowed – in the moment – to tell him that you don't need an explanation or lesson. You can also bring this up before the next mansplaining incident occurs by letting him know that sometimes his analysis feels like a lecture, as opposed to a discussion. The relationship won't survive unless you can be honest about the issue.

这个问题应该尽早解决。你可以在这个时候告诉他你不需要解释或者被教育。你也可以在下一次男人说教事件发生之前提出这个问题,让他知道有时他的分析感觉像是在单方面演讲,而不是双方的讨论。要想维持你们的关系,那就只能诚实地面对这个问题。

It does sound like you might be incompatible, in general. Maybe you should be with someone less serious, who doesn't have to process every detail. If you're already this annoyed after month three – and the rest of the relationship is just "fine" – you should think about why you're trying to make this work.

总的来说,听起来你们可能是不合适的。也许你应该和一个不那么认真的人在一起,他不需要处理好每一个细节。如果你在第三个月之后就已经这么烦躁了,但你认为这段关系的其余部分都很“好”,那你应该想想为什么你要努力让这段关系持续下去转起来。

– Meredith

-梅雷迪思

Readers? Is this mansplaining or analysis?

读者们?你们觉得这是男人式说教还是单纯的分析?

Cover of Meredith Goldstein's

CAN’T HELP MYSELF is Meredith’s memoir about giving advice, learning from readers, working with an ex, and moms and daughters. It’s also a story about how an online community can become another kind of family.

《情不自禁》是梅雷迪思的回忆录,讲述了她如何给出建议,如何向读者学习,如何与前任、母亲和女儿共事。这也是一个关于网络社区如何成为另一种大家庭的故事。

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