10条基本规则可让你更好的享受沟通
10 basic rules let you enjoy better conversations
1118字
2020-11-24 08:45
27阅读
火星译客

So I have 10 basic rules. I'm going to walk you through all of them,but honestly,if you just choose oneof them and master it,you'll already enjoy better conversations. 

我有10条基本规则,让我来给你们讲讲。说实话,如果你掌握其中的一条,你就已经能更好的享受沟通。

 

Number one: Don't multitask. 

第一:不要一心多用。

And I don't mean just set down your cell phone or your tablet or your car keys or whatever is in your hand. I mean,be present. Be in that moment.Be in that moment. Don't be thinking about your argument you had with your boss. Don't be thinking about what you're going to have for dinner. If you want to get out of the conversation,get out of the conversation,but don't be half in it and half out of it.

我的意思不是放下你的手机、平板电脑、车钥匙,或你手中的何东西。我的意思是,专心致志。专注于那一刻。不要去想和你老板之间的争论。不要去想晚餐要吃什么。如果你想结束谈话,那就结束,但不要心不在焉。 

 

Number two:Don't pontificate.

第二:不要自以为是。

If you want to state your opinion without any opportunity for response or argument or pushback or growth,write a blog.Now,there's a really good reason why I don't allow pundits on my show:Because they're really boring. If they're conservative,they're going to hate Obama and food stamps and abortion. If they're liberal,they're going to hate big banks and oil corporations and Dick Cheney. Totally predictable. And you don't want to be like that. You need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn. The famed therapist M.Scott Peck said that true listening requires a setting aside of oneself. And sometimes that means setting aside your personal opinion.He said that sensing this acceptance,the speaker will become less and less vulnerableand more and more likely to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind to the listener. Again,assume that you have something to learn.Bill Nye:"Everyone you will ever meet knows something that you don't." I put it this way:Everybody is an expert in something.

如果你想在没有任何回应、争论、反驳或成长机会的情况下表达自己的观点,那就写博客吧。现在,我有一个很好的理由不允许专家上我的节目,那就是因为他们实在太无聊了。如果他们是保守派,他们会讨厌奥巴马、食品券和堕胎。如果他们是自由派,他们就会讨厌大银行、石油公司和迪克·切尼。完全可以预测。你不想变成那样。你需要带着想学到什么的预设来参与每一段谈话。著名的治疗师斯科特·佩克说,真正的倾听需要把自己放在一边。这有时意味着你要把你的个人意见放在一边。他说,当感觉到被接受,演讲者会越来越有自信,而且越来越有可能向听众敞开他或者她的心扉。同样,假设你有东西要学习。比尔·奈说:“你遇到的每个人都知道一些你不知道的事情。”我是这样说的:每个人都是某些方面的专家。

Number three:Use open-ended questions.

第三:使用开放式问题。

In this case,take a cue from journalists. Start your questions with who,what,when,where,why or how. If you put in a complicated question,you're going to get a simple answer out.If I ask you,"Were you terrified?" you're going to respond to the most powerful word in that sentence which is"terrified",and the answer is"Yes,I was"or "No,I wasn't." "Were you angry?" "Yes,I was very angry."Let them describe it.They're the ones that know. Try asking them things like,"What was that like?" "How did that feel?" Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it,and you're going to get a much more interesting response.

这个是从记者身上得到启发的。从谁、什么、何时、何地为什么或如何开始你的问题。如果你提出一个复杂的问题,你只会得到一个简单的回答。如果我问你,“你害怕吗?”你要对这句话中最有力的一个词做出反应,那就是“害怕”,答案是“害怕”或者是“不害怕”。“你生气了吗?”“是的,我很生气。”让他们描述一下,他们是了解的人。试着问他们:“那是什么感觉?”“感觉如何?”因为他们可能要停下来想一下,而你会得到一个更有趣的回答。

Number four:Go with the flow.

第四,顺其自然。

That means thoughts will come intoyour mind and you need to let them go out of your mind. We've heard interviews often in which a guest is talking for several minutes and then the host comes back in and asks a question. which seems like it comes out of nowhere,or it's already been answered. That means the host probably stopped listening two minutes agobecause he thought of this really clever question,and he was just bound and determined to say that. And we do the exact same thing. We're sitting there having a conversation with someone,and then we remember that time that wemet Hugh Jackman in a coffee shop. And we stop listening.Stories and ideas are going to come to you. You need to let them come and let them go.

这意味着想法进入你的脑海,你需要让它们从你的脑海中消失。我们经常听到这样的采访:一位嘉宾讲了几分钟,然后主持人会来问一个问题。这个问题看起来很突兀,或者已经回答过了。这意味着主持,人可能在两分钟前停止了倾听,因为他想到了这个非常聪明的问题, 他就是一定要这么说。我们做的事情完全一样。我们坐在那里和某人交谈,然后我们想起了那次在咖啡店遇到休.杰克曼。我们就会停止倾听。你会有很多故事和想法。你需要让它们来去自如。

Number five:If you don't know,say that you don't know.

第五:实事求是。

Now,people on the radio,especially on NPR,are much more aware that they're going on the record,and so they're more careful about what they claim to be an expert in and what they claim to know for sure. Do that. Error on the side of caution. Talk should not be cheap.

现在,电台的人,尤其是美国国家公共电台的人,大多数意识到他们正在录制,因此,他们对自己声称很在行、很确信自己知道的事情更加谨慎。就这么做。宁可过于谨慎也不冒险犯错。谈话不应该是廉价的。 
 

Number six:Don't equate your experience with theirs.

第六:不要把你的经历和他们的经历划等号。

If they' re talking about having lost a family member, don't start talking about the time you lost a family member.If they're talking about the trouble they're having at work,don't tellthem about how much you hate your job. It's not the same.It is never the same. All experiences are individual. And,more importantly,it is not about you.You don't need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you've suffered. Somebody asked Stephen Hawking once what his lQ was,and he said,"I have no idea.People who brag about their IQs are losers."Conversations are not a promotional opportunity.

如果他们在谈论他们有家人去世,请不要说你也有家人去世。如果他们在谈论工作中遇到的麻烦,不要告诉他们你有多讨厌自己的工作。这是不一样的。从来都不一样。每个人的经历都是独一无二的,而且,更重要的是,这都不关你的事。你不需要花时间去证明你有多了不起,或者你受了多少苦。曾经有人问史蒂芬·霍金他的智商是多少,他说,“我不知道,吹嘘自己智商的人都是失败者。”交流并不是一个自我宣传的机会。

Number seven:Try not to repeat yourself.

第七:尽量不要重复自己的话。

It's condescending,and it's reallyboring,and we tend to do it a lot. Especially in work conversations or in conversations with our kids,we have a point to make,so we just keep rephrasing it over and over. Don't do that.

这是居高临下的,而且真的很无聊,我们经常容易这样做。特别是在工作中,或者在跟我们的孩子谈话中,我们有一个观点要创达,所以我们就一遍又一遍地重新措辞。不要这样做。

Number eight:Stay out of the weeds.

第八:少说废话。

Frankly,people don't care about the years,the names,the dates,all those detailsthat you're struggling to come up with in your mind. They don't care.What they care about is you. They care about what you're like,what you have in common.So forget the details. Leave them out.

坦白说,人们不关心年份、名字、日期,所以有这些细节。你在脑海里挣扎着想出来的东西,他们不在乎,他们关心的是你。他们关心的是你喜欢什么,你们的共同点是什么。所以忘记这些细节吧,别管那些了。

Number nine:This is not the lastone,but it is the most important one. Listen. 

I cannot tell you how many really important people have said that listening is perhaps the most,the number one most important skill that you could develop. Buddha said,and I'm paraphrasing,"If your mouth is open,you're not learning."And Calvin Coolidge said,"No man ever listened his way out of a job." Why do we not listen to each other?

第九:这不是最好一个,但确实最重要的一个。倾听。

我无法告诉你有多少人大人物说过,倾听也许是你可以发展的头等重要的技能。我转述一下佛说的话,“如果你张着嘴,你就没在学习。”卡尔文·库利奇说:“没有人会因为听了别人的话而丢掉工作。”我们为什么不能去相互倾听呢?

Number one,we'd rather talk. When I'm talking,I'm in control.

首先,我更想说的是,当在谈话的时候,一切尽在掌握。

I don't have to hear anything I'm not interested in. I'm the center of attention. I can bolster my own identity. But there's another reason:We get distracted.The average person talks at about 225 word per minute,but we can listen at up to 500 words per minute. So our minds are filling in those other 275 words.And look,I know,it takes effort andenergy to actually pay attention to someone,but if you can't do that,you're not in a conversation. You're just two people shouting out barely related sentences in the same place.You have to have to listen to one another. Stephen Covey said it very beautifully. He said,"Most of us don't listen with the intent to understand. We listen with the intent to reply." One more rule,number 10,and it's this one:Be brief.

我不想听到任何我不感兴趣的事情,我是关注的焦点。我可以巩固自己的身份,但还有另一个原因:我们会分心。一般人说话的速度是每分钟225个字,但我们听的速度可以达到每分钟500个字。所以我们的大脑正在填充另外的275个单词。听着,我知道,真正关注一个人需要付出努力和精力,
但如果你做不到这一点,你就不是在谈话。你们只是两个人在同一个地方喊出几乎不相关的话。你必须倾听彼此的心声。斯蒂芬·科维说得非常好。他说,“我们大多数人不会带着理解的意图去听。还有一条规则,第10条,就是: 简明扼要。

0 条评论
评论不能为空