Don't be held hostage to other people's emotions!
不要被别人的情绪绑架!
951字
2019-07-10 19:54
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火星译课图片

In life, many things always make us feel difficult, such as:

生活中,很多事情总是让我们感到为难,比如: 

1. In the dormitory, it is very late, you want to sleep peacefully, but others keep talking on the phone. You want to remind the other side, and afraid of the other side is not happy, had to stuffy in the heart, uncomfortable.

1. 宿舍里,已经很晚了,你想安心睡觉,别人却电话聊个不停。 你想提醒对方,又怕对方不高兴,只好闷在心里,自己难受。  

2. Some people have poor quality, always have no scruples, speak loudly, throw everywhere, leave the door open. You look at in the mind not good, want to say, again afraid offend a sinner, have to swallow in the heart.

2. 有些人素质很差,总是没有顾忌,说话大声、随地乱扔、出门不关门。 你看着心里不爽,想说道,又怕得罪人,只好咽在心里。  
 

3 wine table, oneself obviously do not want to drink, others are always to persuade, also said not to drink is not to give face. Result you get in the way of favour, disobey heart to drink again, final face is to give others, oneself however afflictive, still gave ugly even.

3. 酒桌上,自己明明不想喝了,别人却总是要劝,还说不喝就是不给面子。结果你碍于人情,违心又喝,最后面子是给了别人了,自己却难受,甚至还出了丑。  
 

4. Students borrow money, the amount is too large, you were nervous, turnover over, but can not withstand the other side of the soft mill, and take care of that layer of relations, not to refuse. Finally, the money to borrow, but uncomfortable......

4.同学借钱,金额过大,你本来自己也紧张,周转不过来,可经不住对方软磨,又顾着那层关系,不好拒绝。最后钱借了,自己却难受了……  
 

And so on above these matters, you whether the heart has an impulse all the time, is to want to put the heart true idea, all say out, let the other side know: you do so, I am very uncomfortable! Today, I will give you a reason to understand why such things happen, we need to say it clearly, it is necessary to refuse.

等等以上这些事,你是否内心一直有个冲动,就是想把内心的真实想法,通通都说出来,让对方知道:你这样做,我很不爽! 那今天,我就给大家一个理由,让大家明白,为什么遇到这样的事,我们有必要明说,有必要拒绝。  
 

First of all, why do people choose to bear with others when they do unreasonable things to us rather than say so? Are you afraid of offending others? This is only the result, in fact, the root cause, is the other side of the emotional kidnapping. For a while fear each other no face, for a while fear each other is not happy, for a while fear each other will suffer. Moving on from there is the concern about affecting the relationship and making the other person feel bad about themselves.

首先,大家为什么在别人对我们做出不合理的事情时,宁愿选择隐忍,也不选择明说? 是怕得罪人么? 这只是结果,其实根本原因,是被对方的情绪绑架。 一会儿害怕对方没面子,一会儿害怕对方不高兴,一会又害怕对方会难受。继而往下发展,才是担心影响到彼此关系,让对方对自己产生不满看法。  


 

For example above example, the classmate seeks you to borrow money, although you also have your difficulties, but think of is: everybody classmate 1, if don't borrow, how will he think? Are you upset? Will you be disappointed? Do you think I'm not enough? It is this fear of others' emotional dissatisfaction that makes us hard to see, ultimately wronging ourselves and helping others. But there are a few things that people miss:

比如上面例子,同学找你借钱,你虽然也有苦衷,但想的却是:大家同学一场,如果不借,他会怎么想?会不会不高兴?会不会很失望?会不会觉得我不够意思? 正是这样害怕别人情绪不满,我们才抹不开情面,最终委屈自己,成全他人。 但大家忽略了几点:  
 

First, emotions have length of time.

一、情绪是有时间长短的。  

A lot of friction things, we were very angry, but after a while, it will fade, forget, everyone is the same. When someone does something unreasonable, we can only think of the time when they are afraid of the other person's mind, not happy, and then indulge the other person. But what if the other person is happy? So what if you're not happy? It was all in that time.

很多摩擦性的事情,我们当时很生气,但过不了多久,就会淡了、忘了,任何人都一样。 当别人做出不合理的事情,我们只想到当时怕对方介意、不高兴,继而纵容对方。 可是,对方高兴又如何?不高兴又如何?都是那一段时间的事。 
 

It's only a matter of time before you satisfy the other person against your will. Before long, your kindness will be forgotten. Who CARES what you suffer? Otherwise, there would be no burning Bridges, borrowing money not to repay... Wait, these things happen. Since so, take a long view some, why indulge? What we really need to watch out for is that constant resentment. Such as an insult to a person's personality, ability to despise and despise.

你违心自己,让对方满意,那也是那一段时间的事。 过不了多久,你的好心,别人都会忘记。你所承受的,谁还在意? 不然也没有过河拆桥、借钱不还……等等这些事发生了。 既然如此,把眼光放长远些,又何必迁就? 我们真正要注意的,是要防止那种长久性的怨念。比如对一个人人格上的侮辱,能力上的鄙视和瞧不起。  

 

Many friends quarrel, contradiction, after a long time, we are good, even the feelings will increase, why? It's because we speak in a measured way, in a businesslike way, without personal attacks, without hurting each other's humanity. So don't be subject to other people's temporary emotions.

很多朋友间的争吵、矛盾,过不了多久,大家又好好的,甚至感情反而还会增进,为什么? 就是因为大家说话有分寸,就事论事,没有人身攻击,没有伤害到彼此人性。 所以,不要受制于别人短暂情绪。  

Second, emotions have a superimposed effect.

二、情绪是有叠加效应的。  

A person's reaction to an event is often related to the feedback he received the last time he encountered it. For example: you see a cute dog, you tease it, it bites you. The next time you see it, I'm afraid you'll be too cautious to tease it. This psychological response is based on the last time you were bitten by a dog.

一个人对一件事情的反应,往往跟上次遇到这件事时,收到的反馈有关。 比如: 你看到一条很可爱的狗,你去逗它,它却咬了你一口。 那下次你再看到它,恐怕心里就会很谨慎,不敢再轻易去逗它。 这个心理反应,就是建立在上次你被狗咬这件事的基础之上的。  

Is the last encounter, determines your state of mind this time. Similarly, when someone does something unreasonable, if we don't respond at the time, they receive positive feedback that it's ok. Then he'll do it again, even a few more times, and take it for granted.

是上次的遭遇,决定了你这次的心态。 同样,当别人做出不合理的事情时,如果当时我们不做出反应,那他等于就收到了正面反馈,认为那是可以的。 那下次他就还会那样做,甚至多做几次,就会认为那是理所当然的。 

If you object then, the cost will be high. Even good people do it, and friendship is destroyed. And if the beginning of your clear attitude, so that the other side, although temporarily unhappy, but after the event, will be a lot of scruples, but also on your attention. There's a long way to go, and you have time to fix it.

到那时你再反对,成本就大了。甚至好人也做了,情谊也毁了。 而如果一开始你就亮明态度,这样对方虽然暂时不高兴,但事后,就会顾忌很多,也会对你产生重视。 来日方长,你有的是时间去做修复,那这件事就算得到了完美解决。  
 

Three, unreasonable emotions, do not need to worry too much.

三、不占理的情绪,无需太多顾虑。  

We often say that we should think more about others' feelings when talking and doing things, but the premise is that the other party is reasonable, correct and has not provoked anyone, we can't offend others for no reason. But if the other side is wrong, has done the wrong thing, we also for the other side's consideration, considers whether the other side is happy, but lets itself in a dilemma, that too cannot say.

我们常说,说话做事,要多考虑别人的感受,但这个前提是,对方是合理的,正确的,没招惹谁的,我们不能无缘无故的得罪人。 但如果对方都不对,都做出错事了,我们还替对方着想,考虑对方是否高兴,反而让自己为难,那就太说不过去了。  
 

For example, the other party to persuade wine, is to try to get you drunk, make you uncomfortable, make a fool of yourself, or with what intention, so bad intentions, you also consider that I do not drink him will not be happy, this is not too absurd? Many people go bad because they are indulged.

比如对方劝酒,本来就是想把你灌醉,让你不舒服、出丑,或带着什么企图,如此不良用心,你还考虑我不喝他会不高兴,这是不是就太荒唐了? 很多人变坏,就是被纵容出来的。  
 

So, don't refuse, don't feel too difficult, what to say, is really good for each other. Don't be kidnapped by other people's emotions, to live out their own, win respect!

所以,不要不拒绝,不要觉得太为难了,有什么就说出来,才是真正对彼此都好。不被别人情绪绑架,才能活出自我,赢得尊重!

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