In life, many things always make us feel difficult, such as:
1. In the dormitory, it is very late, you want to sleep peacefully, but others keep talking on the phone. You want to remind the other side, and afraid of the other side is not happy, had to stuffy in the heart, uncomfortable.
1. 宿舍里，已经很晚了，你想安心睡觉，别人却电话聊个不停。 你想提醒对方，又怕对方不高兴，只好闷在心里，自己难受。
2. Some people have poor quality, always have no scruples, speak loudly, throw everywhere, leave the door open. You look at in the mind not good, want to say, again afraid offend a sinner, have to swallow in the heart.
2. 有些人素质很差，总是没有顾忌，说话大声、随地乱扔、出门不关门。 你看着心里不爽，想说道，又怕得罪人，只好咽在心里。
3 wine table, oneself obviously do not want to drink, others are always to persuade, also said not to drink is not to give face. Result you get in the way of favour, disobey heart to drink again, final face is to give others, oneself however afflictive, still gave ugly even.
4. Students borrow money, the amount is too large, you were nervous, turnover over, but can not withstand the other side of the soft mill, and take care of that layer of relations, not to refuse. Finally, the money to borrow, but uncomfortable......
And so on above these matters, you whether the heart has an impulse all the time, is to want to put the heart true idea, all say out, let the other side know: you do so, I am very uncomfortable! Today, I will give you a reason to understand why such things happen, we need to say it clearly, it is necessary to refuse.
First of all, why do people choose to bear with others when they do unreasonable things to us rather than say so? Are you afraid of offending others? This is only the result, in fact, the root cause, is the other side of the emotional kidnapping. For a while fear each other no face, for a while fear each other is not happy, for a while fear each other will suffer. Moving on from there is the concern about affecting the relationship and making the other person feel bad about themselves.
For example above example, the classmate seeks you to borrow money, although you also have your difficulties, but think of is: everybody classmate 1, if don't borrow, how will he think? Are you upset? Will you be disappointed? Do you think I'm not enough? It is this fear of others' emotional dissatisfaction that makes us hard to see, ultimately wronging ourselves and helping others. But there are a few things that people miss:
First, emotions have length of time.
A lot of friction things, we were very angry, but after a while, it will fade, forget, everyone is the same. When someone does something unreasonable, we can only think of the time when they are afraid of the other person's mind, not happy, and then indulge the other person. But what if the other person is happy? So what if you're not happy? It was all in that time.
It's only a matter of time before you satisfy the other person against your will. Before long, your kindness will be forgotten. Who CARES what you suffer? Otherwise, there would be no burning Bridges, borrowing money not to repay... Wait, these things happen. Since so, take a long view some, why indulge? What we really need to watch out for is that constant resentment. Such as an insult to a person's personality, ability to despise and despise.
Many friends quarrel, contradiction, after a long time, we are good, even the feelings will increase, why? It's because we speak in a measured way, in a businesslike way, without personal attacks, without hurting each other's humanity. So don't be subject to other people's temporary emotions.
很多朋友间的争吵、矛盾，过不了多久，大家又好好的，甚至感情反而还会增进，为什么？ 就是因为大家说话有分寸，就事论事，没有人身攻击，没有伤害到彼此人性。 所以，不要受制于别人短暂情绪。
Second, emotions have a superimposed effect.
A person's reaction to an event is often related to the feedback he received the last time he encountered it. For example: you see a cute dog, you tease it, it bites you. The next time you see it, I'm afraid you'll be too cautious to tease it. This psychological response is based on the last time you were bitten by a dog.
一个人对一件事情的反应，往往跟上次遇到这件事时，收到的反馈有关。 比如： 你看到一条很可爱的狗，你去逗它，它却咬了你一口。 那下次你再看到它，恐怕心里就会很谨慎，不敢再轻易去逗它。 这个心理反应，就是建立在上次你被狗咬这件事的基础之上的。
Is the last encounter, determines your state of mind this time. Similarly, when someone does something unreasonable, if we don't respond at the time, they receive positive feedback that it's ok. Then he'll do it again, even a few more times, and take it for granted.
是上次的遭遇，决定了你这次的心态。 同样，当别人做出不合理的事情时，如果当时我们不做出反应，那他等于就收到了正面反馈，认为那是可以的。 那下次他就还会那样做，甚至多做几次，就会认为那是理所当然的。
If you object then, the cost will be high. Even good people do it, and friendship is destroyed. And if the beginning of your clear attitude, so that the other side, although temporarily unhappy, but after the event, will be a lot of scruples, but also on your attention. There's a long way to go, and you have time to fix it.
Three, unreasonable emotions, do not need to worry too much.
We often say that we should think more about others' feelings when talking and doing things, but the premise is that the other party is reasonable, correct and has not provoked anyone, we can't offend others for no reason. But if the other side is wrong, has done the wrong thing, we also for the other side's consideration, considers whether the other side is happy, but lets itself in a dilemma, that too cannot say.
For example, the other party to persuade wine, is to try to get you drunk, make you uncomfortable, make a fool of yourself, or with what intention, so bad intentions, you also consider that I do not drink him will not be happy, this is not too absurd? Many people go bad because they are indulged.
So, don't refuse, don't feel too difficult, what to say, is really good for each other. Don't be kidnapped by other people's emotions, to live out their own, win respect!