How do emotionally intelligent people communicate? In fact, there is not much difference in speaking ability between people with high eq and those with low eq. A lot of people with low eq have strong debating ability. So the difference is before you speak, not when you speak. Emotionally intelligent people are simply more likely to consider several dimensions before speaking than people with less emotional intelligence.
How the other party feels. 2. Whether the words are timely, appropriate and appropriate to the scene. 3. Identities of both parties. 4. Was the speaker serious or joking? 5. The real purpose of the conversation. And so on.
We all know that huang bo speaks with high eq. A reporter asked: which is more beautiful, gao yuanyuan or Lin zhiling? Huang bo said: usually hear their two names will have a sense of vertigo, now you suddenly said two people, is a severe vertigo.
The reason why huang bo replied in this way is that he considered the feelings of the other party. But the real logic is: because huang bo first in his mind to consider the feelings of the other party, then will say that. And a person who does not know how to first consider the feelings of the other party, began to talk, may be very direct, he thinks gao yuanyuan beauty, said gao yuanyuan beauty, he thinks Lin zhiling beauty, said Lin zhiling beauty.
But this is unconsciously perceived as being less friendly to the other person, so it's seen by others as low eq. But in fact, if he thought more about that one point and let "considering the feelings of the other party" come into his mind, he could say something like huang bo's answer.
People have the right to speak, as long as your words are not slander, seriously injured others, you like to say what can be said, you can talk, also can say, no one interfered with you. But if you're at a big dinner party, you could theoretically say anything, but obviously people like to hear the sound of blessings.
But if you don't think about this when you're talking, and you don't have the concept of "it depends on the occasion" in mind, you might start talking about a friend who just got divorced the other day. You have no other intention, is to tell, but in the eyes of others, you are low eq.
However, if you have the concept of "speaking depends on the occasion" in your mind, then you may choose to talk about happiness instead of such topics. In this way, you will be regarded as emotionally intelligent by others.
As I said above, anyone has the right to speak, and in theory, anyone can say the same. But in a society where everyone is tagged with a variety of identities (e.g., son, father, friend, brother, classmate, employee, supervisor, manager, boss). Obviously, everyone should consider his own status before speaking.
For example, when you talk to your father as a "son", it is obviously respectful and polite. But if you don't have the concept of "who you talk to" in mind, you may talk to your father casually, even by first name.
It wasn't intentional, and you didn't even realize it. But in the eyes of others, you are low in eq, or more. But if you have the concept of "speaking by identity" in mind as a reference, then you may not choose that tone, that address. You choose words that are in line with your identity, so that you are emotionally intelligent in the eyes of others.
The same sentence, although the literal meaning is the same, but people will lie and joke, so every time someone says something, we have to tell the truth, the other side is really serious or joking.
For example, you have a good cook, do the dishes are very delicious, friends eat praise you, said: wow, you do this dish really delicious, one day to learn from you? If you don't have the concept of "true or false" in your mind, no matter whether someone is serious or just joking, get serious immediately. "if you want to learn, do it now. What are you waiting for? "
Then very carefully and carefully tell friends what to pay attention to this dish what what, how to cook. You may be well-intentioned, but in the eyes of others, you have low eq. But if you have "are people serious or are they kidding? This concept is a reference choice, and you probably wouldn't have done that. Instead, make a joke about it, and if you do, you'll be seen as emotionally intelligent.
Speaking, according to different background, different tone, there is a hidden meaning. It may say A on the surface, but in fact it may mean B.
Let's say your girlfriend asks you, "who looks better, me or her?" You said she looked better. At this time your girl friend light say: that you chase her. At this time you don't understand, good why go after her? Don't I have you? Isn't this unreasonable? Don't you love me?
Continuous questioning or temper, two people may start to quarrel. It may seem to others that you have low eq, but you don't understand what's going on. But suppose you have in mind "what is the real purpose of the other person saying this?" This one makes reference to choose, that you probably won't choose to say so of words, hair so of ask.
But the first time my girlfriend asked who looked better, I thought, what does she mean by that? Do you mean to test me? Want me to show her my love? Then you might choose to say, "why bother? Of course you look better. Don't you realize it?" If you say so, you are emotionally intelligent in the eyes of others.
And so on.
Therefore, the difference between high eq and low eq is only that the former considers more latitude. If a person with low emotional intelligence wants to be more emotionally intelligent when speaking, simply input some parameters before speaking.